The moment I handed the woman behind the counter the check and saw the puzzled expression emerge, I knew I was screwed. I watched the mayhem ensue as confused looks started to spring up, as more and more staff began to get involved.
The check had single handedly brought the bank to its knees. Having spent the first 45 minutes waiting, whilst riddled with guilt at having ever asked to cash a check in the first place, the second half of the 90 minute ordeal would now take on the form of a Japanese ability test, filling in endless amounts of documents in kanji characters, whilst simultaneously holding a conversation in Japanese using complicated financial terminology that I would have struggled with even in English.
Unsurprisingly, by the end of all this, there little was left of me. Gone was my energy. Gone were the smiles.
Gone was my sanity. As I stumbled out of the bank, trying not to fall over on the icy street, I cursed the day I would ever have to deposit another check in Japan. By now my energy levels were dangerously low and I was a ticking time bomb of stress, anger and tiredness. My plans to return home for dinner were in tatters. But fate had thrown me a lifeline. And as I stood there, held at camera point, alongside the smirking cardboard cut out of Ronald McDonald, drained both physically and emotionally, I thought I might just snap.
Yet, it turned out the whole afternoon had been a mere training exercise for what was to come next. His unshaven face was barely visible underneath his baseball cap and army-camouflage coat, which had been zipped up so as to cover the lower half of his face. But if there was an award for most shocked facial expression when seeing a foreigner, this guy had won the gold fucking medal.
At this point I was second in line at the queue, which meant escape was truly impossible. I turned my head away, praying he was walking towards someone else — even though I was second in a queue of just two people.
But before I could turn back to order the preciously needed energy, he again tugged at my hand, which he was still trying to snap off and delivered an incredible punch line.
So funny was the joke, that he was the only one who could truly appreciate its magnificence. He was waiting for me finish my order. The moment I finished the order and moved away to the side of the till, the man stood up, drop-kicked the chair aside and rushed over once more to resume his onslaught of shit.
It was genuinely a difficult question. Taking into consideration the combination of the 30 year old looking face, the dress sense of a 15 year old and the personality of a 10 year old, even God would have had a hard time putting a figure down on paper.
I patted him on the shoulder and gave an obvious fake smile. With my slurred words and droopy head, I looked nothing short of a drunkard. I started to examine the straws and wonder if I might be able to use them to take my own life, should he succeed in dragging me to his table. He sat down at the table whilst laughing loudly, like a crazed madman. Nagasaki is hidden away on Japan's southern coast. We explore the abandoned Gunkanjima Island, enjoy mouthwatering street food and bring back Dr Jelly one last time Japan is famed for its unusual accommodation.
We fly over Japan's most active volcano, Sakurajima, before heading to the subtropical paradise of Yakushima island. But not all goes according to plan. With stunning views of Mount Fuji, the greatest car gadgets ever devised and Japan's cutest volcano, Joey and I end our odyssey through the Japanese Alps. Not far from Mount Fuji is Japan's biggest British theme park; a park so large it has its own working railway! This week on Journey Across Japan we visit the most iconic viewing point of Mount Fuji, wander the streets of a British theme park and Japanese Capsule Hotels are an experience everyone needs to have.
Only once. This week we escape from a Typhoon by staying in our own capsule hotel, and find ourselves lost in the tomb of Japan's largest pyramid yes, seriously. Japanese Hot Springs Onsen can't be beat. This week we produce a Japanese commercial in a single day, walk the streets of Takayama and hop in a private bath as we continue our Journey Across Japan. Japanese cuisine boasts the most delicious food on the planet.
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